Updated: Jan 28, 2021

One of the biggest questions I get asked about is my mental health medication. I made the decision when I first started writing the blog not to share the medication that I am on or tried in the past. This is because the medication is unique to each individual. Unfortunately, it is hard to get the balance right in the beginning as mental health medication can affect people in different ways.

It’s taken 5 years of working closely with my mental health team to get the right medication for me. This seems to be the case for many people suffering with mental health medication. It is very much trial and error for each person, especially in the beginning. The psychiatric team always monitor me closely when I’m starting a new medication.

I am extremely sensitive to medication changes and I’m currently going through on. I am lucky in the fact that I don’t really get side-effects.I also made the choice not to look up the side effects of medication as I feel that that can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. The only side-effect that I have experienced is weight gain. Whilst it is hard seeing a different shaped woman in the mirror, I would rather be curvy and happy than thin and unstable. I do go to the gym to help offset the weight gain and the gym really helps my mental health.

I use a dosset box to help me remember which meds I need to take and when. I stock it up on a weekly basis as this also helps me to know when I’m running low and when to request my repeat prescription for my GP. Sometimes I look at the empty packets and all the drugs lined up and think all of that is what I need to feel well, sometimes I feel sad about that. My medication is literally life-saving and life-changing so I’m happy to keep popping the pills

My bipolar finally seems to be managed by the medication. I still however get acute anxiety and EUPD mood swings, so they have upped my mood stabiliser and starting a new anxiety medication. Whilst I do still get depressive episodes, they are few and far between and usually coincide with my cycle, I no longer experience mania. I do however sometimes miss the mania; mania is my go to when I’m unwell. It is also harder for me to spot as when I’m manic I feel amazing! What goes up must come down and after a period of mania I crash into dark depression. My support network are the ones that highlight to me when I’m going manic. They have numbers that they can call if they fear for my safety as my manic episodes are incredibly dangerous for me as I’m so destructive and take many risks.

I do dream of medication free life, but for now I know I am heavily reliant on them, I can even tell when I take them late. Medication is a crutch for me, and I have recently hired a private therapist via Better Help. I also go to addiction recovery meetings and I find the groups very therapeutic. |I feel the medication works very well alongside therapy. Medication won’t cure the illness, but it does help manage it very well.

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